Trying to finish

Trying to finish the last of my birthstory but I am finding it very hard. Very had! Its so emotional and with my past birthstory's it hasn't been this hard. I started to go through trying to find the grammer mistakes, looking at each and every word thinking about it all, its becoming overwhelming. Automatic tears in my eyes. I need to walk away from it for now. Maybe tomorrow or maybe tonight after dinner I can finish it. I think it will be a relief when I get it up.

All these questions go through my mind. Is it my time to retire? Should I be over the birth by now? What happens when and if I get pregnant again? How can I avoid this terrible birth in the future? I am not activity seeking a match, I want to take a break and see what, if anything, comes my way. The idea of going out and looking for a match seems like a nightmare. I really don't know, I just leaving it up to the fates.

So basically, I am trying to finish up the last of the birthstory. Its just going..not well, not bad just need a little bit more time.

My IM, Laura's Mom isn't returning my calls this weekend. I sent my second FedEx shipment on Friday of breast milk and I had asked her to call me quickly to let me know it got there. According to FedEx it got there but I wanted to make sure it did. I called twice, so I am hoping all is well. So very unlike her. Its hard not to have "worst case scenario's" rush through your head... "Odds are Sarah, (Talking to myself) they didn't get in a car accident and they are just busy...." So I am hoping for a phone call back soon.

Trying to get my mind off of all of this and I got out my sewing machine. I am missing the power cord/foot pedal. I put it away with it and I brought it out without it being with the sewing machine. The kicker is that the garage has been cleaned out this summer and orgainized so I dont even know if its out there or not. The sewing machine is a $100 machine that the cord costs $40 with shipping. Dunno what I will do. I am due for a new machine, but want to upgrade and don't know if its in the budget to do that. *sigh.

Nothing is easy seems like.